Backhanded Compliment
ByI was thinking today about an event that happened years ago when I first became a senior Pastor. This guy, who I really didn’t know came to my office. He said that he really appreciated the fact that I had become a Pastor, because if I could do it, then anybody could. The thing about a backhanded compliment, is that you end up feeling slimed and yet you are caught off guard enough that you aren’t sure how to respond. I mean, it doesn’t seem that the correct response to a backhanded compliment is “thank you” and yet that is the answer we often give. I think you will get a kick out of what WikiPedia says about the situation:
A backhanded compliment or left-handed compliment or asteism is an insult that is disguised as a compliment. Sometimes, a backhanded compliment may be inadvertent. However, the term usually connotes an intent to belittle or condescend.
A backhanded compliment may fool the listener, but the compliment remains “backhanded” because the speaker is being intentionally slighting and insulting. In some cultures, backhanded compliments are considered a genteel or polite way of expressing disdain.
Examples of backhanded compliments include:
“That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure.”
“You’re smarter than you look.”
“You drive very well, for a woman.”
“Your son is so handsome; he looks nothing like his dad!”
In each instance, there is an initial compliment: praising a piece of clothing, a person’s intellect, a person’s driving ability, or a person’s looks. However, each instance also includes an implied criticism: the person is rotund and needs camouflage to hide her weight; the person appears dumb on the surface; women don’t drive well, and therefore any skill at driving is noteworthy; the son’s father is unattractive.
Why was I thinking about this old backhanded compliment? I was praying about ways that we might take the church to the next level or phase. Our church has about 500 – 600 people coming on the weekends and I have felt like we are going to grow again. As I prayed, every idea that I had was about giving other people something to do or start that might help the church grow. I realized that everything I felt like we need to do, didn’t include me. While I know that is a good thing, at some point I started to laugh as I remembered that old backhanded compliment, “if I can be a Pastor, anybody can”. It was a good reminder that it really isn’t about me, it is all about Him!
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